In the height of a new romance, there is the desire to spend all our available time with the new partner. The thrill of finally meeting someone who wants what we want, and wants that thing with us, is delirious. The tendency is strong to seclude ourselves from friends and the world, as we discover this new love and create its foundation. That is natural, and often desirable. However, it is ultimately balance that we seek. Too much togetherness can erode the very love we are trying to maintain. While very fiber in our body may want to spend endless days with our new lover, it is here that we need to step back and take a breath.
Losing ourselves is a common occurrence when love is new. It is in the merging, and the letting down of our ego boundaries that allows love to enter our hearts. Yet, in this recognition of loves presence, the need to reconnect with Self, is the greatest. Understanding this is a discipline, and a mental request that requires heeding, it is also needed for our benefit as well as the benefit of our mate. We need internal stability in order to offer more love to our partner.
To take a breath, and take time alone, is crucial. We have massive new input, and need to sort and configure this input. We need to check-in with our own emotions, making sure that the road we’re on is one we want, not just the one our partner wants. The power of this “breath” allows us to regroup and re-connect from a fresh place. We allow ourselves to settle in with the new emotions, check-in as to how we feel about what’s going on, and from that standpoint we have the ability to re-calibrate the things that may feel “off.” Perhaps nothing feels off, and everything is amazingly wonderful. Still, time alone is valuable to solidify the partnership foundation.
Every couple needs together time as well as alone time, to be healthy and in balance. There is the need to be alone with each other, as a couple. Relationships require private time to share intimacy, which allows growth. There is also the need for time spent together in an expanded group setting. This creates a healthy dynamic that allows for unity. There will be new friends that are made as a result of being a couple. Because of the diversity of interests due to the age differences, exciting new dimensions can be incorporated into the individual life, as well.
There must also be time to be alone; alone with oneself, and alone with one’s friends. Time alone balances the individual identity and fosters self-renewal. Solitude and relaxation allow the individual to hear the words of their own thoughts. It allows needed time off from the partnership, to luxuriate in one’s private interests and to maintain inner growth and self-nurturing. It’s restorative. Once fully refreshed, there is a natural desire to return to the company of our mate.
This is the balancing act. We all have to learn how to do it; within ourselves, and within partnership. Without alone time, we resent the intrusion of others into our lives. Without alone time, we lose our personal power and neglect our unique interests. Without together time, we isolate and contract as a human beings. We quit expanding, as we are not able to allow others into our world. The idea of togetherness is to share who we are, in the company of others. We see ourselves through different eyes, and see the world through a different perspective. Togetherness can be the link to greater understanding. It can open our vision to that which is outside of ourselves, while allowing its brilliance to impact us. To strive Self esteem for a healthy balance of the different types of solitude and communion is to enjoy the full feast of life.